Divorce and a whole new interaction.

March 26, 2023

As mentioned initially in the article, divorce is a period of many changes in each of the areas of life. In the women's lives, readaptation involves not only affective and individual issues, but also financial and maternal issues, which often do not make room for finding a new love.

In this regard, respondents comment that at first, after the division, they did not want to start a completely new interaction. "I didn't want to establish an interaction with another person", says Priscila, who also explains that it took her a while to open herself up to this possibility again. Valdilene, in turn, says that after the separation she thought about not having more serious relationships: "I didn't see myself capable of accepting something with someone and putting that person in my son's life".

Despite the initial positioning, destiny revealed new opportunities, giving an example, she says that she met her partner after renting a house: “We became friends and from then on we started to relate”. She also claims that, from the beginning, it was well accepted by her children and family.

In situation, the first contact with her current partner took place at a meeting with friends. However, it was only years after they met on Facebook and got to know each other that she received the request for an encondo: “after the event we went to the square, there she said that she would like to make an appointment and get to know me better.

The person also ensures that social networks have confirmed the start of their new interaction. She claims that she met her current partner through the networks, but claims that the establishment of kinship was not quick: "it took a year for us to really start relating".

Dialogue with boys and likely conflicts

Good communication between parents and children is always welcome, and in cases of completely new interaction after divorce, it becomes essential. She is the one who establishes sincerity and trust in a moment of transition and transformation different for each role she plays in the family.

In this sense, they reported that a great dialogue ended positively both in our interaction with their children and in their partner's relationship with them. Once I had an interaction with a lady, the first one I discovered was my daughter and yes, she admitted it well.

However, as soon as the new interaction began, she slowly described it to her son, initially introducing her boyfriend as a friend. “When I realized that my son felt more comfortable and started to enjoy the routine with him present, we decided to tell him that we were dating”, she says.

In the situation, the communication was different and was delivered on the same night that she was asked out: “he called my son, who was already years old, and asked if he could go out with me. My son commented that if he was going to go out with me he would have to call him dad, he agreed and so it was decided.

According to the interviewees, the dialogue about the children was also present since the beginning of the new collaborations, which contributed to the interaction of the new family configuration not going through major conflicts.

Giving an example, she says that her son supported her happiness from the beginning: “at first he commented that he wanted me to be happy like his father, but he saw that no, that he cried non-stop and he liked you. … Having my boyfriend around,” she explains.

For the family, the case is similar to the others, with the difference that certain family conflicts arise due to issues such as jealousy: “My husband is now a little jealous, both with me and with my son, about his ex. There are conflicts, though, between father and son,” she comments.

Tips for establishing good communication

It is a fact that there is no precise formula for experiencing a situation like this, in short, each family will have its own work dynamics, as well as “collaborations are individual and are built from the subjectivity of the subjects”.

However, if there is something that helps in this process, it is undoubtedly clear and sincere communication between each of the parties involved. “There is a healthy interaction based on honesty. Parents do not need to lie or hide information from their children and vice versa. From there, family interaction can be structured in an authentic way”, emphasizes the psychologist.

The statement is consistent with the behavior assumed by the interviewees in relation to their children, since they opted for dialogue from the beginning. When questioned about the technique or procedure used to dialogue with the boys about the new interaction, Fabiana, giving an example, points out: "the technique that I have constantly used has been to have unity and a constantly familiar environment, something that we did not have in the old interaction, neither I nor my children”.

In addition, dialogue is also important if the new interaction is homoaffective, as it can raise many questions regardless of the age of the children. “We always need to maintain respectful communication and provide quality information and safeguard doubts, insecurities, fears, among other feelings and ideas that may arise”, says the psychologist, who also shows that all communication must be developed with continuous capacity in mind. to understand your child's.

The excitement of asking children's permission for a brand new interaction is also an important component to consider. Second, although children have a priority space for parents, "it is not their criticism that should predominate in the choices to initiate an affective interaction". The professional also explains that it is essential “to dialogue and consider the degree of understanding and availability that the infant will have to face this situation”, to admit his feelings, but without neglecting his own.

The psychologist also shows that “one should not discard the period of habituation and formation of a relationship between the children and the new couple”, which can contain conflicts and misunderstandings. However, she shows that if the moment is lived in a friendly way, with respect, honesty and approval, the interaction will try to consolidate itself well, since “bonds are born from coexistence and independence of expression”.

Know how to divide the time well

Another issue that can arise and cause emotional distress to a lady who is thinking about starting an interaction or has already started is the separation of time between children, interaction and other daily tasks. About this, the expert clarifies that life needs to be thought of as a sum of components where interaction is just one of them. "A healthy interaction occurs when we manage to give due importance to each element: family, relationships, friends, work, time for yourself, etc", she says.

Based on this thought, the psychologist explains that the concern with the separation of time is more common than is supposed and explains what to do to improve these issues: “this situation is a challenge for everyone, not only when we think of separated parents who assume new interrelationships. That's why we demand a good idealization of time and self-knowledge to discern the value of each element for all of us”.

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